Cesar doesn't know what to do anymore
by Sweetlotus
Summary: Shunned from the gang and becoming a burden, Cesar had no idea what to do. He knew he could roam around, homeless, cold and afraid or do something. Something he wasn't able to do in the first place. Something that started all this. So he finally decides to do it... but what will happen?


~ A few days earlier ~

Cesar walked for ages, he couldn't find a place to spend the night and it was starting to get cold. He decided maybe he should pay Oscar a visit. Yeah he was shunned from the gang but that's his big brother right… he surely would help him.

He stood in front of the house pacing back and forth attempting to work out what he would say to Oscar when he saw him. Would he beg his brother to take him back? Tell him he was good and he just needed some guidance? Would his brother even speak to him? He had no idea how it would turn out but that's when he heard it. A phone ringing from inside the house. He got closer to the window and hear Oscars voice.

Oscar: _Yeah, who this?_

There was a moment of silence. And then Oscars voice cut through the silent air again.

Oscar: _Who Cesar? He's dead to me. Forget that guy. I don't care what he's doing… that's his own problem now. _

That's all Cesar needed to hear. He knew his brother probably didn't mean it… well to that extent. He probably still loved him but he knew he had to push his brother aside for the sake of the gang. Oscar was the leader, he couldn't be seen as weak or favouring another member, even if that member what his little brother. So Cesar left, without being seen. No one would ever know he came back.

Cesar took a deep breath. He knew what he had to do and he understood that he had to do it soon. Ever since his misstep with Latrell his life had begun to spiral out of control. He knew he could protect himself… well protect himself to a certain extent but he couldn't protect himself and everyone he loved too.

He had been walking for a while, the day was starting to get dark and he knew he couldn't go back to Monse's or her car. She had made a promise to her dad and Cesar didn't want to be the reason she broke it. He had been walking absentmindedly for so long he hadn't realised where he was. He was in the 'nice' side of town. The place with the boring people and boring houses. He knew he stuck out like a sore thumb but with no where to go, he just carried on walking.

After what seemed like an eternity his legs started to get tired and began to ache, he decided to take a minute to rest. He sat on the sidewalk, besides a nice looking house. He took a deep sigh and buried his head deep into his hands. _How did life get like this?_ He thought to himself. _Why couldn't I have just gone through with it… but I'm no murderer. _Not being able to kill Latrell had saved him some guilt but brought with it some intense pain. Because of Cesar Ruby had been shot, Olivia was … dead, Monse and Jamal were rode up on. They were all in danger. Why? Because of him. He was devastated. Sigh after sigh, he kept guilting himself even more. He was worried, he felt trapped, he didn't know what to do. Except he kind of did… he knew he had to make things even. To sort things out with Latrell.

It was getting late… and he was starting to get tired. He didn't have much on him. Aside from the hoodie on his back and some water and a crisp in his bag, he didn't have much at all. He had a few buck, but he had to make it stretch. He didn't want to spend any money on a hostel, he couldn't get a good nights sleep there anyway so he decided to save it for an emergency. All this thinking was making him more tired when he began to sway back and forth on the sidewalk. He was too tired to keep himself awake, despite his effort. All his swaying must have caught the attention of the people inside because the man came out and tapped him on the shoulder. Cesar light up inside thinking maybe, by miracle, this would be a helping hand but oh boy was he wrong. The man, being a 6ft4 big guy, picked Cesar up and tried to push him away.

Guy: _Get off my sidewalk you drunk_

_Drunk?_ Cesar thought… it must have been all that swaying.

Cesar: _Dude i'm not drunk, i'm just tired. _

Guy: _I don't care what you are, but go somewhere else. Your kind is not wanted here._

Cesar: _What is my 'kind'? _Said Cesar as he started to get agitated. He was going to leave anyway, what was this dudes problem.

Guy: _Just get away from this neighbourhood kid. Scram. _

Cesar was way too tired and way too hungry and weak to try pick a fight with this guy. He didn't even bother respond. He turned away and heard the guy scoff.

Damn he really wished he could kick that guys ass, but he already had a 100 problems, he didn't really need one more.

So Cesar started walking again and damn was it getting cold. It was nearly 1am and he still hadn't found a place to sleep. He didn't know what to do. That was until he saw a bridge. It was cliche but he took his stuff and threw it near the bridge and kind of attempted to make himself as unseen as he could. He was freezing cold, tired and sad. He was starting to lose all hope, he had to do something. He was going to die if he had to keep doing this. That's when he started to cry. Cesar was shaking violently but kept his sobbing minimal, he didn't want to alert anyone to his presence but he couldn't help it.

Was this really the way god was repaying him for not taking a life? Something had to change.

Shivering, with wet marks down his cheek. He finally fell asleep, dreading the wake up the next day.

Cesar finally woke up and it was roughly mid day. He was hungry but he knew he should wait a little until he ate. He didn't have enough money to eat more than once a day so he didn't like to rush it. As hungry as he was, he could always get hungrier. He grabbed his back-pack, dusted himself off and started walking again.

He had no idea where he was going, but he knew where he couldn't go… that was back home. He had his phone and he knew the guys missed him. He didn't use it much so that the battery wouldn't die but he updated them at least once a day so they knew he was alive. He told them not to worry and that he was doing well… he didn't want to burden them once again.

While walking he saw a sign. It was a gun shop… but it looked a little sketchy. He was angry, tired and hungry. A perfect combination to start some trouble. He had thought long and hard about what he had to do and knew it was to settle the score between him and the Prophet$. He can either die useless or die a man. He chose the latter.

He pushed open the door to the little gun shop, the bell rang. It was old and stuffy in the shop. The owner looked at him from behind the counter. He was an old man with an old shop. Cesar looked around for a tiny bit until he saw a small gun for… $20. That was cheap. He asked the man if he could see it.

_The man: _Why do you need it?

_Cesar: _I don't _need_ it... I just want it. To feel safer… I hope I never have to use it.

Cesar didn't want to alarm the man, he wanted him to think that he were never going to use the gun. That he didn't even really want it but he wanted to be safe.

The man chuckled a little and looked Cesar up and down

_The man: _Yeah sure. Listen kid, I really don't care why you need it, I was just being nosey. Business has been shit recently so I'll sell it to you. You got the money.

Cesar pushed his hands into his pocket and started fumbling with all the money he had. He pulled out everything and lay on the counter. There were some notes enough to make $15 and a lot of change. He took a deep breath and started counting.

… he was two dollars short.

He looked at the man hopeful.

_Cesar: _I don't… seem to have enough

Cesar was embarrassed, he couldn't even muster the confidence to maintain eye contact with the man. He dragged his hands on the counter and pushed the money back in his pocket.

The man stopped him.

_The man: _Listen kid. Give me $15 and you can have the gun. As i said business has been shit and well this gun ain't worth the $20 really… you can have it.

Cesar sighed. This was basically all his money. For a moment he was kind of glad that he couldn't afford it, as if a higher sign was telling to slow down, to reconsider but now he has the means to get the gun. Is that another sign, that actually he's doing the right thing?

Cesar nods, without making a sound and gives the man $15. He takes the gun and the man gives him a few bullets, not many but all he needed was one.

One to get the job done.

~ A few days later ~

His planning was done. He knew how to do it and when to do it. He knew it was now or never. His money had run out and he was getting tired. Any longer and he'd be long dead before he even had the chance to kill Latrell. He was sick of this. Sick of feeling hungry, feeling dirty and sleeping in random places on the street. He needed to go home. He needed Oscar. He needed his big brother back.

He loaded up his gun which took a few seconds too long as his hands kept shaking. He was nervous. He's not a killer but he has no choice. He had been stalking Latrell for a few days. From afar of course. He knew where he went and when. He knew he was seeing and most importantly he knew when he was going to be alone. Cesar pulled out his phone, to his surprise it was still on and at 1% he sent everyone a text, and said that he was safe and going to take a nap. That he will be coming home soon and he can't wait to see everyone again. And as if it knew, it turned off. He felt good, as if that text was a good omen. A little hope that he really might be going home soon. It was 6pm and in 15 minutes it would all be done. This is the time that Latrell was usually alone. He knew it was his only shot and that if he fails he will probably die.

He saw Latrell from the distance. He knew it was now or never so off he went. He maintained the distance that he always did but this time, today it was different. Every few steps he edged closer. He knew Latrell's path, he knew what was coming next and if he was right it would be empty. An alleyway with just the two of him, the perfect opportunity. He got super close now, it was obvious Latrell wanted to turn around a few times but probably had shrugged it off as a cat or something since Cesar was being so quiet. It wasn't until they got into the alleyway that Cesar dared to get really close. He was literally a hair widths away and knew that Latrell knew he was there. As if on beat, Latrell turned around and tried to shout. Cesar knew this was a possibility so he pushed all his body weight on top of him. It knocked the wind out of Latrell and successfully stopped him from making any noise. They scuffled on the floor for a bit but Cesar had the upper hand. He knew what had to be done and he pulled out the gun. He held it to Latrells forehead. He wanted to cry but he stopped himself. Latrells eyes were open, he was afraid and it was obvious. His eyes were begging him but as if something snapped he was angry. He wanted him to die. He was the reason for all his pain, for all his suffering and with one single bullet it could be gone. Well to a certain extent.

He pulled the trigger. He pulled it again and again… what was happening. He realised the gun was jammed. The bullet never came out… oh shit.

He didn't know what to do this never crossed his mind, he was panicking. That's when he heard it, Latrell whistle. Like a pack of dogs, a lot more whistles started and the town started to get loud. He knew that he had only one option and it was to get out of there. He did not want to die here. He really didn't want too.

They were still wrestling each other when Cesar luckily had an opening and brought his gun down on Latrells head. It knocked him down for a bit and gave Cesar a little bit of a 'head start' if you could even call it that. The adrenaline was kicking in harder than before as he ran. His need to survive outweighed everything else right now. He didn't feel hungry, nor tired or anything really. He just felt like he needed to escape.

The Prophet$ were coming from everywhere, it was daunting. He didn't know how much longer he could run. But he knew he just had to keep going, just a little bit longer, they would eventually give up and try run up on him another time or so he hoped. And with all the bad luck he had in his life that's when it happened… he tripped.

He tried to get up right away but there was no use. He was surrounded. The Prophet$ were all over him. Some kicking him in the back, some in the ribs… literally everywhere.

He was trying his hardest to stay awake but with every hit he knew it was going to get harder to keep his eyes open. He could feel the blood pooling inside him as things were breaking. He definitely had some broken ribs, probably a broken leg and for sure a broken wrist. There was probably more but he was numbing out at this point and couldn't really tell what was 'hurting' and what was 'in fucking agony'. After what felt like an eternity of being beaten up Latrell finally quietened down his friends and gang members and spoke.

_Latrell: _YOU tried to kill ME?

Cesar couldn't speak, it was then that he realised he probably got kicked in the head one time too many and that his lip was completely busted open. His jaw was intact which kind of relieved him but when he tried to open his mouth blood dribbled down the side of it.

_Latrell: _Huh… you not gonna speak huh?

He crouched beside Cesars body and grabbed the boys head. It was pretty limp in his hand.

_Latrell: _You know what Cesar… we not gonna kill you. You might die, i don't know but we're not gonna finish you off. Were gonna just get you really close to it then whether you die or not is up to you. But let this be a warning to spooky.

Cesar chuckled at this.

_Latrell: _Why you laughing boy?

Cesar knew why. His brother didn't care if he died. This wasn't a warning, it was probably a blessing. His brother didn't have to deal with him anymore, he didn't have to worry. He didn't have to bruden him.

Cesar didn't have the energy to reply and instead felt himself getting heavier. Latrell must have noticed this as he all of the sudden just let go off Cesars head, letting Cesar bang his head on the pavement. It was silent, aside from the ringing in head and then he heard it. A real gunshot this time. The ringing in his head replaced by the loud bang.

It didn't take a genius to realise that he had been shot. He knew they had shot him and that they didn't his any vitals, or so he hoped. They had shot near his hip, he felt the blood pooling but it wasn't coming out fast. He tried to look at what had happened but just moving caused intense pain. He saw his arms and legs and they were completely black and blue, he didn't even know what the rest of his body looked like but he knew that it didn't look pretty. He was near a wall and he dragged his body, even though he didn't want to so that he could lean up against it. At least that way he would have something to support him. It took an eternity but he eventually propped himself against the wall. His shirt was sticking to him in places he really didn't like but he had to assess the damage. He lifted it and the sight was disgusting. His stomach had a gaping hole near the hip that was dripping blood. He felt around it and it was intense, then he felt for the back and realised there was no exit wound. He was a little relieved by this. He had heard before that having the bullet inside saved you some time. The rest of his body was in tatters. He had cuts and bruises scattered all across him, and he knew that he had internal bleeding going on.

After the gunshot when off they all ran and left him there. He had to get up and go, he didn't have too long and he needed to survive. He needed Oscar.

He tried to push himself off the ground but his wrist screamed in pain, as did every other piece of his body. His body protested against the movement but his brain knew he had to get going. He couldn't die here. He wouldn't die.

He screamed in pain, tears running down his face. It had taken 10 minutes but he was finally up and standing. He dreaded the walk home, but he knew shortcuts and different roads to take to ensure that he got there quicker, albeit still slowly. Every step made him want to break down and give up but he couldn't. His shirt began to dry as the cuts scabbed up, he had no idea how long he had been walking for but he realised it was getting colder. He pressed his hand up on his wound to ensure it wasn't bleeding as badly as it could be so he was relieved at that. Every now and then he would stop and lean against the wall to catch his breath however, he couldn't stop for too long or it could be his final stop. He kept pushing on and knew he had to see Oscar. Although he didn't get the job done, he needed help. Regardless of whether his brother was willing to help him or not.

He zipped up his hoodie as he began to shiver. It was good because it also covered up his shirt. Now he just looks like he had been beaten up but it didn't look that bad since his blood stained shirt was now hidden. He just looked like an average thug, that got thug consequences. He chuckled to himself, he tried his hardest to avoid all this and look where he was. On the brink of death, all alone.

Never would he have expected this… but he kept walking.

Finally after hours, sessions of blacking out where he walked and hadn't even realised, he finally made it to his neighbourhood. He could see Oscars place from where he was standing but he didn't know what to do. All that energy he had had just been zapped out of him, he was beginning to feel faint but he was so close to 'home' that he couldn't just give up now. He staggered through and stood there for a moment collecting his breath… that's when he saw Oscar. They must have had a party because his back was turned to him and he was cleaning the grill.

Cesar must have been breathing pretty heavily because without turning around Oscar asked him what he wanted. Cesar was shocked, he didn't know what to say.

_Oscar: _Bro… I know it's you. What do you want?

Cesar began to cry, it was kind of mute and he didn't know what to do. But his sniffling broke the silence. Cesar began to talk when Oscar cut him off

_Oscar: _Leave.

_Cesar:_ … *between sobs* but…

_Oscar:... i said leave. _

He hadn't turned around once. He didn't have too, Cesar thought. He knew he didn't want to see him. He was a failure. He couldn't do anything right and because of him everything was falling apart.

He didn't bother to stay. He knew that nothing he said would ever be enough to repair it with Oscar. So he turned back. He wiped his face on his hoodie and started to walk but all of a sudden he felt tired. Really tired.

He began swaying side or side and finally felt his knees give out. It may have been the lack of hope, or god knows what but he was finally beginning to give up and his body had realised this.

It was his knees to hit the floor first, and with no energy, the rest of his body followed.

The sound of a thump broke the silence that was in the air that night and it didn't take Oscar to realise what was happening. He whipped his head so hard that he thought he might have snapped his neck. There he saw it. His brother just laying there motionless on the ground.

He didnt know what to do. What was wrong with him?

Oscar ran up to Cesar and turned the boy around and now actually looking at him he saw that the boy was not in good shape. His face was completely bussed up, he looked pale and sweaty. He was skinny and light, it was clear he hadn't eaten well in a while. He had bruises littering his body. His wrist was swollen and black. It looked sickly. Oscar hadn't unzipped his hoodie yet and he had no idea what was waiting for him under there.

He tapped his little brothers head a few times.

_Oscar: _Cmon Bro, don't leave me like this. Wake up stupid

He pulled Cesar up and made sure his head was comfortable on his lap. He then lightly tapped his brothers head a few times in attempt to wake him up. Eventually Cesar's eyes fluttered open. This was breaking his heart.

_Cesar: _…. I...I...I'm sor...sorry...bro

_Oscar: _What happened to you man?

He knew what happened, more or less. It was obvious that this was a problem between Cesar and the Prophet$. He knew that Cesar wouldn't be able to handle this on his own but he still forced him too. Finally he decided to take a look under that hoodie.

He was shocked. The shirt was stuck on to his body by blood but there was one specific spot that worried him. He really didn't want to pull the shirt up but he knew he had too. It was then that he saw it. A bullet wound.

What the hell did this idiot get himself in to.

He didn't give a shit about the gang rules or whatever. He knew he had to save his brother life.

_Oscar: _Yo! We got an emergency bro! My bro's been shot come quick.

It literally took 2 minutes for the gang to get all together. Whether they would admit it or not, Cesar was like a little bro to all of them. They quickly grabbed his body, which lay limp in his hands took him inside on the couch. People brough new clothes, some water, blankets. But one guy had to do the most. He knew how to patch up a bullet wound. His name was Hugo. Hugo had been the 'doctor' for the gang, so that the authorities never had to get involved. He never knew he would have to perform this on Cesar, not so soon. He felt disheartened but he had to move fast.

Cesar wafted in and out of consciousness. He didn't want to be awake but he knew he couldn't fall asleep. He kept hearing his brothers concern and that helped him get through it but then it started. A warm sensation in his hip as if someone was prodding at it. He wanted to cry… and so he did. He started screaming. Hugo yelled for them to hold him down while he proceeded with what he had to do. Cesar screamed as hard as he could. He couldn't keep quiet even if he wanted too. It was so painful and it felt like it would never end.

Although it felt like a lifetime to Cesar, eventually it did end. Hugo was proud and let Oscar know that Cesar had lost a lot of blood from his many wounds, he didn't however surprisingly get an infection and should heal perfectly… if he lived.

The words 'if he lived' rang in Oscars head. After all the screaming, he looked at Cesar, he was laying limp. The boys life was still in danger but it was up to him now to fight for survival, there was nothing more that he could do.

Oscar knew that Cesar was strong, he knew he would fight and for that he was worried but hopeful. He pulled up a chair, dismissed the rest of the gang. Thanked hugo and sat beside Cesar. He wasn't going to let his little brother go anymore. He was going to protect him, even though it was a little too late.

That night, after a long time, Oscar finally cried and prayed. Prayed his brother would be okay.

~ a few days later ~

Cesar had been asleep for a while. Oscar looked after him. Changed his clothes when he sweat, wiped him down every so often. He called Hugo round to check him up and get him hooked up to some fluids. It seemed like everything was okay. Every night he pulled up a chair besides Cesar and prayed then finally slept beside his little brother.

He took comfort in the breathing he heard coming from his little brothers mouth, as light as it was. Until one night… he was laying his head there. Listening to his little brothers breathing, it was the same as always. Light and airy… until it started to get quieter. Oscar knew what this meant and began to panic but he kept himself composed. He called Hugo and the guy came round in a matter of seconds. He was rushing in and began pressing up on the boy, attempting to do CPR and make sure they didn't lose him. It took awhile but the scare passed, a cough later and Cesar was back to normal. Sleeping. It was just a little blip, thought Oscar. He'll be okay. Hugo left and once again it was just Cesar and Oscar. From that night, Oscar made sure to stay awake around Cesar at all times. He made sure that his brother wouldn't die… not now.

It took a few days but Cesars breathing began to even out. It was becoming deeper. His ribs were healing slowly and this was allowing him to breathe more freely. Oscar was laying beside Cesar as he had done many times before when he heard the young man groan. Cesar shot his head up and looked at his brother. Was he waking up? Finally?

Cesar stirred around in his sleep for a bit but finally began to open his eyes. He had no idea where he was or what was happening. He bolted up in fear but Oscar quickly grabbed him.

_Oscar: _lil bro, its okay. You're safe now with me.

Cesar had no idea what was happening but he felt safe with his brother. He felt protected again. Oscar leaned his head against Cesars and began to cry, it was quiet and light but it was still felt.

_Oscar: _Don't ever… EVER… scare me like that again bro. I love you.

Cesar was relieved at this. He felt like he was getting his life back together. He knew that there was a lot to come but he knew for now he was safe.

He looked Oscar in the eye, smiling a little finally happy to have his older brother back.

_Oscar: _Promise me.

_Cesar: _I promise.


End file.
